I've been reading more romance lately - it's not my first choice of genre, but I find that more and more of the urban fantasy I read these days is edging farther into paranormal romance. And I've been picking up more kindle freebies lately, and most of them are heavy on the romance.
My conclusions: I'm starting to get a little more into the whole romance thing. I've always been sort of a late bloomer, and I spent the first 13 years of my school-age life at an all girl's school and dancing ballet. There aren't a lot of boys in ballet. So let's just say that I wasn't really interested in relationships for a long time.
But now, maybe I am? I don't know.
The problem is that I'm not very extroverted. I don't drink or go to parties (because I don't like parties. They tire me out and stress me out and are really just not at all fun for me). If I ever complain about not meeting anyone, the advice is 90% of the time "you need to go to parties or you'll never meet anyone".
I don't think I should have to change my personality in order to meet someone; anyone I meet that way wouldn't have the same interests anyway. It would be a friendship, or a relationship, predicated on a lie and it just wouldn't go well.
My struggles are well known in my family - it's to the point where by future boyfriend has become a figure of legend, known as "nerd-boy".
Anyway, enough about my romantic troubles. I'll meet my nerd-boy in med school, and he will like to read and enjoy going to the ballet (or at least find it pleasantly tolerable and be willing to take me), and be romantic and handsome and smart. (Nope, not setting my sights high at all...)
You wrote: "the advice is 90% of the time 'you need to go to parties or you'll never meet anyone'"
ReplyDeleteI agree that this advice is terrible, and yet we hear it all the time. Why would you want to go somewhere you hate to meet someone who apparently likes that very thing? Seems like a bad idea.
As for setting your sights high? Keep them there, but realize you may have to make some compromises. Which you have already demonstrated when you noted that nerd-boy would at least be willing to take you to ballet.
In my 19 years of marriage, I've found that the willingness to do something the other person likes is much more important than actually sharing the interest. But it can't be done grudgingly, there needs to be a genuine desire to make the other person happy. And of course, it has to be a two-way street.
That's an insightful comment Bill - and I think you could apply it to all relationships in general, not just romantic ones.
DeleteI'm not a sports fan, but when my brother asked me to go to the Red Bulls game on his birthday, of course I went! And it was fun, mostly because he was having fun. :)