Because I am Made of Insanity

I am Ridiculously Busy. No, I mean it.

These are the things that I do:

• Go to school. Take 7 classes.
• Attempt to not fail those 7 classes.
• Participate in extracurriculars. I am the chair of a club and an editor for a journal.
• Nutcracker! That's 5+ hours of rehearsal every week. Plus additional time dealing with planning the schedule/writing emails/other assorted tasks.
• Volunteer at a hospital. Incredibly interesting, incredibly rewarding, incredibly time consuming.
• Teach ballet to little ones. Also rewarding, also time consuming. Plus involves getting up quite early in the morning.
• Sometimes do other fun things, like take ballet class. Or go to the zoo for my Natural History of the Mammals course (coming soon: a post on the animal that made me cry).

 So those are a lot of things.

Now, I'm not listing them out like this to complain, or even to boast. I'm sure there are plenty of people out there who do this much and more. And if I was really feeling overwhelmed I could drop a few of these things. My intention here is to give you an understanding of how nice and full my schedule is right now, so you can fully appreciate the insanity that is about to happen.

So Many Things! Let's Add Another

The reaction of any sane person to the above would be to stop adding more things. Of course, I am not a sane person. So what did I go and do? Add bullet point number 8:

• Write 50,000 words in a month.

Yes, I'm doing NaNo. Or rather, I'm pretending to do Nano.

My Insanity Has Its Limits

Yes, I am crazy. I think we've pretty well established that. But I'm not that crazy.

I fully recognize the fact that I am not going to be able to devote as much time and attention to each of these as they need. Unless I never sleep, there simply aren't enough hours in the day! And unfortunately while I would like to write half a novel in a month, the 60+ pages of essays I have to produce must take priority. (As an aside, if anyone has a great interest in the Neandertal cranium or bone histology or reproductive strategies of Marsupials, let me know).

If you go peek at my NaNo profile, you'll see that in half a month I've written one day's worth of words (really it's a little more, as I haven't counted handwritten pages). I'm not going to get to 50,000. But if I write a little every day, even if it's just a sentence scribbled in my notebook during the fifteen minutes between classes, I'll call it a win.

Who's With Me in the Nuthouse?

We've all got our own special brand of crazy. Mine is apparently trying to do EVERY SINGLE THING all at once. What's yours?

In which I bribe myself with stickers

I'm a little late with this one, sorry.

I've been having trouble with Princess lately. That is, I haven't been writing as much as I wanted to. (Also haven't been updating, whoops).

The problem isn't that I don't enjoy the project, or don't enjoy writing. I do. I'm thinking that maybe it's not as good as the Princess I saw in my head, but that's something I always think, so best just to ignore it and press on.

What is happening is that I'm coming up with lots of fantastic reasons why I don't have time to write right now. Which is silly, because of course I could make time. Do I really need to reorganize my closet right now? Nope.

So what's the solution? Bribe myself with stickers.

Every day I write, I get a sticker. When I have 10 stickers, I get a prize. When I have 25 stickers, bigger prize. Then 50, then 75, and so on and so forth. Mostly the prizes consist of allowing myself to buy things I've been wanting. At the moment those things are mostly items of clothing, because I really don't have room to buy lots of books and my TBR pile is out of control anyway. And the other things I want cost far too much to use as prizes.

We'll see how this goes. It's a bit juvenile but I think I just need an extra push to get going. Once I'm in the habit of writing every day, it will go easier. I hope.

A Little Bit of Chaos

I am a planner. I like to have everything laid out, decided in advanced, researched to the extreme. Scheduled.  I double check everything. Then I triple check.

But I am also a pantser. Having created my Slow Loris Conservation presentation for class - having planned out what I was going to say for each slide - when it came time to present I ignored my plans completely. I mean, sure, I hit all the same points, in mostly the same order, but it was TOTALLY DIFFERENT from what I had practiced.

When I joined the Saucy Ink group, I dreamed up plots for my story. Once I had one I was happy with, I outlined. Down to almost the very last detail.

Then I started writing. And ignored my outline completely.

I don't mean "sort-of" ignored, like I still hit the basic plot points but maybe in one place they did something a little different. I mean ignored almost entirely.

Things the original outline had in common with the first draft of the story: A female protagonist. A male protagonist. A plot that needed to be stopped (it was a different plot, though).

A.k.a. not a whole lot.

So what have I learned from these experiences? Well, I know I need to plan. I also know I need to make less detailed plans than my brain thinks I need. Because I know that if I get too detailed, I will deviate. Entirely. And while my novel will probably follow a bit closer to the outline than "The Water-Witch" did, mostly because I feel better about its nascent plot than I did about my story's, there will be variation. There will be exploration. There will be a little bit of chaos.

And I'm telling you this because....it was a realization integral to my decision to start writing Princess. I have a decent foundation, which I will expand on as I go. Yes, worldbuilding-as-I-go... usually not a good strategy, but for me it works. I come up with my best ideas in the middle of sentences.

It will likely lead to a fair amount of rewriting. That's okay. I'm fine with it, because that's actually the way I work best. Get something down on paper, then go and fix it.

I've got a slightly-more-detailed-than-basic, scene-by-scene plot outline. I've nailed down the magic system. I have a good grasp on some relevant areas of backstory. Now it's time to write.

When I Grow Up

So lately I've been thinking a lot about the fact that I'm twenty and not really a child anymore and maybe I should learn how to do some Grown Up Things.

I mean, I'm going to be in school for a billion more years. But after college, I might be in school somewhere other than New York, and my mother won't be there to fix everything. So, you know, time to suck it up and act my age. At least sometimes.

Some of the things which fall under the category of Grown Up Things:

-Doing my own laundry
-Going to the bank; maintaining my own checking account
- Keeping my room clean and organized-ish
-Procrastinating less (this is going to be the hardest one)
-Taking more care with my appearance (including good posture)
-Maintain a schedule/planner/to do list so I don't  forget about things
-Feeding myself

I already do a few of those - like go to the bank and use a planner - and I'm working on others - like procrastinating and keeping my room clean and being more thoughtful with my clothing choices.

Next up on the list? Laundry, which I have a great fear of.

Also? Food. I want to learn to cook. (And also to expand my food horizons and be less picky.)

Honestly I like to bake a lot better but I can't survive entirely off cupcakes and brownies and cookies. Well, I could, but it wouldn't be pretty. So I'm working on finding some good recipes, and practicing cooking, and stuff like that. I'll share if I have any particularly tasty successes or  particularly spectacular failures. In baking or cooking.

I probably won't share anything about laundry. Too boring.

Musings on Muses

Others have written before me - and very eloquently, I might add - on this subject, so I'll keep it brief.

Firstly, it's stupid to avoid writing because you're "waiting for inspiration to strike" or for your muse to suddenly make everything known to you.

Writing is not magic. Unfortunately.

The truth is, if you want to get results, you have to put in the effort yourself; do the work yourself. Your muse is not going to do it for you.

Except when it does.

I have a muse - or rather, I have a subconscious. When I get stuck on something in my writing  (and I mean really stuck, not just I've gotten lazy and don't want to work, but that I'm working and working and nothing is coming out right), it helps to let it go and work on something else or do something else for a little while. Sometimes it's an hour, and sometimes its a few days, but without fail there comes a time where suddenly my "muse" comes through and it all comes together in a rush.

Now what is really happening is that my brain is still working on my problem subconsciously, and when I come back to it it's been worked out. It's not magic, although as a fantasy buff I wouldn't mind if it was!

My brain likes to operate this way quite a lot of the time.

The internets are uncooperative. I am not amused.

New in the sidebar: progress bars which will, theoretically, update you (who? Is anybody out there reading this nonsense?) on my progress. But apparently the coding was not correct, so I will have to mess around some more and try to figure it out. However, because it it rather late and I'm tired, I will do that tomorrow. I am not really amused by this situation.

In other news, I love my stories. I was falling out of love with Lioness but I just reread the nuggets I wrote and there are beautiful little gems in there. Now I just have to do the not-so-fun part: organize and plan so that when I resume writing I don't get bogged down or lost. Ditto with princess, although I'm also having the worldbuilding fail problem there...

Worldbuilding, and also my dog eats salad.

So...I've been feeling reinvigorated re: the princess story, but the other day I tried to do some worldbuilding and it just...did not work.

I mean, I came up with some interesting ideas. Actually, some totally amazing ideas. The problem is, they don't fit at ALL with the "seed" or "essence" of the princess story that I see in my head. I'm feeling seriously frustrated and I don't really know what to do.

I'm actually tempted to say forget the worldbuilding, and try to hash out some kind of plot outline in the hopes that that jogs my mind. Actually, when I think about it, that plan seems much, much more appealing. I'm beginning to suspect that I will have to do a prelim outline, see how that affects the world/what ideas that sparks, and then go back and adjust the plot if necessary.

I know that skimping on worldbuilding is extremely problematic for a number of reasons. I'm not really skimping, just...postponing. I don't know. I'm confused.

I'm Baaaaack

Well, here we are again.

It's been nearly a year since I posted last. This means two things:

1. I am probably talking to myself; nobody reads this anymore.
2. The blogger interface has changed again. Between this and Facebook, I think I might cry.

I will explain why I was absent for so long. The truth is, college was quite enough for me to handle last year. The blog kept getting put on the back burner until I basically forgot about it. But I had a crazy, revelatory dream the other night which was basically a scene from a story popping into my head. And that just made me want to write again.

Interestingly, that's not the project I'm drawn to at the moment. I think it needs to percolate a bit. Unlike the princess story, which has percolated quite enough thank you and is ready to be worked on!

So I'm here, back on the blog. I can't promise anything (for example, daily posts). I think that's too much for me. I can aspire to, perhaps, three posts a week. They will mostly be related to what I'm writing, although I wouldn't be surprised if some school stuff or Nutcracker stuff or life-in-general stuff creeps in there.

To my readers, if they still exist, I apologize for not letting you know when I realized the blog was going dark. If you're still around, I'm still writing :)

If not, I already talk to myself quite a bit, so I suppose this isn't that different!

P.S. Yes, I will finish Marvin. And the reading list will have a huge gap in it. Oh well...

DRAGONS. PLOT DRAGONS. Which squiggle.

I don't have plot bunnies. I have plot dragons.

They're infinitely more difficult to find and MUCH harder to catch - there's that whole they might fry you to a crisp and eat you thing. Or that disembowel you with a claw and eat you raw thing, if they're in the mood for rare.

I have SO MUCH TROUBLE with plots. I have to sort of come at them sideways or they squiggle around (yes, that's a word). If I grab them by one part, they go all silly putty on me and squish out and then go reform a few feet away and laugh at me.

Okay, those metaphors are totally different and don't really make any sense, but the point is there. That point being that I needed to find a new way to think about plots.

It's all about conflict.

Well, um, yeah, you say, or actually you probably don't because you're very articulate and don't stoop to the use of such words. This is obvious, you say.

Yeah, well, it took me a while. Even after reading all these wonderful blog posts and articles and other assorted pearls of wisdom it didn't really sink in. It took one - ahem- interesting practice novel and some time to reflect before it really hit me.

Goals. Obstacles. Conflict. OH!

I'm sorry, I'm not usually this slow. Please, bear with me.

Cookies! (and Newton's 1st law)

Oh WOW have I been bad. It's been nearly a month since I graced my (non-existent I'm sure) audience with my presence!

To be fair, I have been trying to adjust to this whole college-living-on-my-own-HEY-THAT'S-A-LOT-OF-READING-what-I-have-an-essay-due-already? dynamic, plus NUTCRACKER HAS STARTED.

Nutcracker is my life.

But Nutcracker is for another post (Tomorrow? Maybe if I alternate nut posts with writing posts I'll be on here more - I LOVE talking about nut). Right now I want to focus on another idea - momentum.

"Inertia is the death of creativity. You have to keep moving, keep making. So much of making art is muscle memory, keeping your routine…"

I stole this from somewhere on this website, I think, and if I didn't go look at the website anyway cause it's cool. I read that and thought YES. That is the crux of the problem, isn't it? Inertia. Objects at rest tend to stay at rest. (Little mini physics lesson there)

I was doing so well with my whole 750 words thing. I was writing every day. And then, I missed a day because I went out to dinner with some family friends and didn't get back until 1 in the morning.

The next day, I didn't write.

I thought, it's okay that I miss another day, I've already broken my streak, I can start back tomorrow.
Guess what happened the next day?

It's hard to keep doing something, day after day, but it's even harder to stop and then start again. It's easy to stop doing something and then keep not doing it. What a vicious cycle...

But today, I'm BREAKING THE CYCLE!

You ask, skeptically, (or maybe you don't, but for the sake of argument let's say you do):

"What makes today different from any other day?"

Two reasons. One, I've acknowledged my problem and consciously decided to change my pattern of behavior. Two, I'm bribing myself with cookies :)

Editing

is hard. Let's just leave it at that.

A New Method?

Hi - missed yesterday because of the Senior Project Dinner - basically I graduate next Friday and so the events are coming fast and furious. Not kidding - I'm busy every day next week.

Anyway, I'm due for a post about detective stories. Specifically, why I find the idea of writing a novel which centers on a police investigation to be difficult.

And that would be because you have to know the ending.

I don't know who the bad guy is. I don't know how the book will end. I don't have any clues to sprinkle through because, well, I've basically got no clue what's going on. Anything I try to come up with sounds contrived at best. I'm inclined to try the "just go with it and see what happens" approach, and then go back and add clues and red herrings and whatever.


That all remains to be seen.


I'm actually tempted to write this out of order, too. Part of the reason I'm stuck on the fantasy novel is that I'm writing linearly and I've gotten to a scene I don't particularly want to write. I think I just have to go with what comes to me and put it together later. I mean, my current method isn't working too well. What have I got to lose?

So We're Back Here Again

I've been neglecting you, I'm sorry - mostly because I haven't been writing. It's been a rough couple of weeks. Who knew that so much free time could be so busy?

Now I'm on a deadline - 5 stories by Thursday. I'll keep you guys updated.

Wow.

Just a quickie because I am super tired.

Writing a novel is hard work.

That is all I have to say.

Snow!!

Hey guys...I doubt any of you are even still reading this, it's been so long. But I am glad to report that I have submitted all my college applications, and so between that and the fact that I'm kind of snowed in to the house here I can turn my attention back to the novel! Regular (hopefully) status updates and perhaps excerpts will resume.

Thank you, if you're still here, and Merry Christmas!

I'm So Behind.

I need some motivation. I need to get through 5k tonight to be back on track. Not gonna happen. But maybe I can do half that?

I'll be up late, clearly.

An Interesting Site

which discusses many of the problems encountered in fantasy. I'll be adding it to the links.

Limyaael's Rants

I Apologize

I can only focus on so much at one time...

This weekend is the designated College App Writing weekend. I will be working nonstop around rehearsals to get everything I possibly can done including a photography portfolio and arts supplement DVD, so there will likely not be new posts for a little while. Sorry.

In other news, it's almost November!!

Too Predictable?

I went on a little bit of a TV binge Friday. I didn't have school so basically I woke up at ten, watched TV for five hours, and went to ballet. Mostly I caught myself up on Fringe, which is a fabulous show although if you're not a sci fi person it's probably not going to be your favorite.

Anyway, I was watching Fringe. Mind you, this show requires a lot of suspension of disbelief. It gets its name from "fringe science", so...you get the idea (in case you don't, click on the link). The point is that even with a show that's totally weird, I could predict half the plot points. Oh, nothing major, nothing that would ruin the show. Little things. For instance, in one episode there's this box which emits ultrasonic waves and fries your brain. In the opening scene we see it frying all these people's brains but this one guy, totally unaffected, closes it up and walks away with it. The FBI agents are all confused as to how someone could have done that. I immediately think "he's deaf". They puzzle some more. Eventually they find the guy and it turns out he is deaf, but something so obvious to me totally baffled these characters.

The point is, and I do have a point, is that this got me thinking. Where is the line between familiarity and predictability? We like reading about similar plot lines: quests, guy meets girl or vice versa, murder investigation, some combination of the above, some combination of the above involving vampires...etc. But eventually, you know exactly what's going to happen and there's suddenly no point in reading the book.

On the other hand, if something is all twists then, first of all, the reader gets lost (and gets a headache), and second of all the twist starts to lose their impact. In order to surprise someone you have to lull them into a false sense of security first. When the rules are out the window from the beginning, the reader stops caring.

As a writer, you have to balance familiar plot and character tropes with enough twists to keep the story fresh and exciting. It's hard, but it's worth it.

Discipline (the Good Kind)

Hi. I didn't blog yesterday. (bad faith)

I should have, because this whole exercise, although definitely being about the novel and venting my energies, it is also about discipline.

Discipline means writing every day.

So that means that today I am writing this, although I have no clear topic in mind and nothing, really, to say.

I could continue to talk about discipline, I suppose. It's an important consideration in any long term project, really, but in novel-writing especially. You just have to sit down and write the damn thing.

For instance, I have the very bad habit of procrastinating my butt off and then starting an essay the night before it is due. For this project, I don't really have a deadline since I'm not under contract. I can take my time. But what I can't do is say "I'll start it tomorrow" and then never follow through.

On the other hand, if that due date wasn't there, I would never write the essay.

Now, of course that's not really the same thing because in general, I don't find writing analytical essays to be a fun process. I wouldn't do it on my own time, unless I had a very good reason. Like money. Or cookies. And then it wouldn't be totally voluntary, would it?

But the point is still valid- and that is that I need a deadline in order to function.

"But," you say, "aren't you forgetting something? You have a deadline! 50,000 words in a month! Doesn't that qualify?" And you're right, it does! So nanowrimo gives me the deadline, and that's great. But I still need the discipline.

The discipline to sit down every day and meet my target word count.
The discipline to push through even when I'm tired and hungry and incoherent and having a bad day and the words aren't coming and everything I've written so far sounds horrible.
The discipline to write crap and fix it later.
The discipline to see this through to the end, and not let this novel, like so many others before it, fall by the wayside.
The discipline to realize when it's finally time to move on.

In short, the discipline to write a novel.